This week we are posting our 100 word challenges to the blog so that we can give some feedback to each other. Please post your work as a comment on this post.
This week we are posting our 100 word challenges to the blog so that we can give some feedback to each other. Please post your work as a comment on this post.
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February 13, 2017 at 8:58 am
One dark and stormy night the lights mysteriously went out and a black ad stopped in the middle of the road and then all of a sudden a women got out and opened the trunk she looked at me well that’s what I thought and then she pulled out a black body bag and pulled it behind a dark house I quietly crept down the stairs try not to wake my parents I ran across the the road and then I slowly opened the door and I remember a gun shot then I blacked out and woke up in the hospital
February 13, 2017 at 9:09 am
Draft 2:
One dark and stormy night the lights mysteriously went out and a black car stopped in the middle of the road and then all of a sudden a women got out and opened the trunk she looked at me well that’s what I thought and then she pulled out a black body bag and pulled it behind a dark house I quietly crept down the stairs try not to wake my parents I ran across the the road and then I slowly opened the door and I remember a gun shot then I blacked out and woke up in the hospital
February 13, 2017 at 1:27 pm
why was there a gun shot and why did the person see all this
February 13, 2017 at 4:47 pm
I think that if Isaiah had more words allowed he would be able to add this detail.
November 26, 2017 at 3:41 pm
Mysterious story
February 13, 2017 at 9:04 am
You could see the guns in the car with someone in the vehicle with the lights on. I stared at the car., i was scared suddenly the lights went out. Then the lights turned back on. Nothing was in the car even the person. So I ran for my life hoping they hadn’t seen me. I ran so far I ended up in a farm 2am in the morning. Then I heard gunshots. A lot of gunshots. First the cows got shot, then the pigs, and also the sheep and dogs. Then it was my go. Bang I was shot but still alive.
February 13, 2017 at 1:24 pm
Cody I loved your story you used your words well your story and it will be good for further use in other story 👍
February 14, 2017 at 7:48 am
Very exciting Cody, the ending left me wanting to know what would happen next. You describe the action in the story well. Remember to always use a capital letter for “I”. Adding a little more punctuation could help to add to the suspense in your writing.
February 14, 2017 at 7:48 pm
I like your ideas in this piece of writing. Have a go at improving this sentence:
…You could see the guns in the car with someone in the vehicle with the lights on.
February 13, 2017 at 9:09 am
100 Word Challenge Draft 2
It was a spooky night. You could hear the wind making a spooking sound thru the window. A Mum and her kids were having dinner until the lights went out. A creak of a door sound and footsteps were right behind them. The kids got under the table the Mum could not fit because she was too fat. BAM!!! The lights turned back on the kids looked around there was nothing. They got out under the table and the Mum was hanging by a hook from the roof. ALLAHU ACKBAR!!! The house blew up it was on flames the killer blew himself up.
Larz K
February 13, 2017 at 1:23 pm
I think that you should make less graphic but I still enjoyed it
February 14, 2017 at 7:51 am
You’ve created a very vivid story Larz, great use of descriptive writing. Have a look through and check that all words are spelt correctly, and not just in text-speak.
February 13, 2017 at 9:11 am
The car stoped with no noise beside a two story hotel. The door opened but no one was there then suddenly the trunk opened and a body shaped bag got pulled out from the trunk but you couldn’t see the person who was pulling the bag. The bag got pulled into the hotel the lights was flicking and the doors was creeking. Then suddenly the lights went out and there was a scream of a baby. Then the lights came back on and blood was dripping from the chandelier. The body was gone and no one was there. The doors slammed as if something or someone left.
February 14, 2017 at 10:27 am
Great use of description to set a creepy tone to your text girls
February 14, 2017 at 7:51 pm
Nice work girls. Have a go at making the first sentence (for now) more descriptive to really help set the scene.
February 13, 2017 at 9:12 am
I was working in my study on Wednesday when I heard a car pull up it was very loud. So he continued working but then the lights went out and the door flung open and a lady wearing a black suit had a gun to his head. The lady heard someone else in the house so she went to where she heard it then the man went and left a plastic one of him. But the lady didn’t know that they changed until she grabbed the person and she said where did that man go so she walked outside into lots of sticky tape.
Zach
February 14, 2017 at 7:54 pm
Zach, you have use ‘I’ at the start of the first sentence and then ‘he’ in the next sentence. In your next draft, think about who is telling the story and make this consistent all the way through.
February 13, 2017 at 9:12 am
I was walking home and a waited a the bus stop, the brakes were so squeaky I put my headphones on. Well I thought it was the bus so I went in and sat down the man was in black and kept on laughing so I text mum hopefully I’ll be home soon and he said he had to stop and get some petrol so I said ok and we turned we turned a left and we were there . He hopped out of the bus filled up his tank and walked in the shop to pay then suddenly the lights went out…. Dun dun dun
Skylah
February 13, 2017 at 2:21 pm
Proof read it and when you do read it out loud.
February 14, 2017 at 10:29 am
Consider how you can use punctuation to seperate thoughts within your writing and to create additional suspense.
February 13, 2017 at 9:12 am
The black monster
I stepped out of the bus onto the dark street. I walked into my house. Suddenly I hear footsteps upstairs I rush upstairs but half way up the stairs. Suddenly the light went out I try to make my way up the stair and the light flicker on and off until they turn on completely I see a dead body on the floor. He lay on the ground with what looks like claw marks he must of been a thief because he had a black wool mask. I turn in shock because I hear a noise and a black monster leaps out and sick it claws and kills me
THE END
February 13, 2017 at 1:26 pm
That is good and I like it has lots of information in it
February 13, 2017 at 1:26 pm
I really liked you story but I think you should slow thing down. and I think you should name the people like killerfred and you spelt sink wrong you spell sink,sink.
February 13, 2017 at 1:28 pm
Really like your story Kye very interesting. Also good way to also start a full story💪👍💪👍✌️✌️✌️👌👌👌‼️‼️‼️
February 13, 2017 at 9:13 am
It was a Friday night and I was forced to go on this road trip with my family. Dad said that it would build a ‘better relationship’ between our family and that it would be ‘fun’. I’m convinced that my dad doesn’t know the meaning of ‘fun’. We are driving to a little town in the country. I don’t even know the name of it. Out of the car it is pitch black. And suddenly the car stopped and the lights went out. We stopped at a forest and I swear I heard a scream.
“Did you hear that?” I asked.
“Yeah was it a scream?” asked my little brother.
“Let’s just pretend we didn’t hear that” said my mum she looked like she just saw a ghost.
February 14, 2017 at 8:01 pm
Nice job Savana. You have used speech well in this story. I look forward to reading more.
February 13, 2017 at 9:13 am
Spikey hair kid was at the titanium stadium arena watching his favourite team play against cairns. His favourite team is Adelaide 36ers. The Sixers were down by ten at 5 minutes to go in the fourth. Jerome randle scored a huge three and the Sixers were making the come back. Then the lights went out and the game was cancelled. The blackout was all around Adelaide. 36ers lost. But as people were leaving darth vader smashed through the roof screaming I will get you spikey haired kid. But he misjudged the hight and died. Everyone ran away screaming spikey haired kid was squished.the end.
February 14, 2017 at 8:00 pm
A basketball story… I am so surprised! 🙂
Remember capital letters for names.. eg Darth Vader, Titanium, Randle.
February 13, 2017 at 9:13 am
Once apon on a time I decided to tell a story to YOU. So I started it begins like this. In the year 2005 I was walking to the car and then I tripped over and got knockout I woke up in a lab (cold) there was a tall man he looked like 6 foot 7 and told me I could leave if you let me do experiments on you he said fine so he did. Then he fell asleep and woke up he walked to his car and then the city lights went out then he got stabbed in the back.
February 14, 2017 at 7:56 pm
Calvin, I think that this is a great idea for a story. I also think that the first sentence could be left out and then you can use the extra words to add to the story.
February 13, 2017 at 9:14 am
The house 🏡
We cautiously entered the house, it was filled with cob webs and dust .The floor was creaking at each step. It was the creepiest place I had ever been. I wanted to leave. As I was about to leave I saw a light,it felt as though it was calling my name. “Finally” I thought as I walked into the light “my curiosity had gotten the best of me”. Then suddenly there was an ear piercing shriek then,the lights started flickering I wanted to run but I couldn’t I was terrified then suddenly the lights went out…..
February 13, 2017 at 1:25 pm
I like how you used different words and express how you felt in the story but, you could make the sentence a bit more longer.
February 13, 2017 at 2:25 pm
Kalani I really like your story. Your wording is very worded properly.
February 15, 2017 at 7:14 am
Thanks Kalani. I like the feeling of this writing. You have created suspense for the reader! I would love to read more of this story.
Be careful with your speech marks:
“my curiosity had gotten the best of me” – doesn’t need them.
February 13, 2017 at 9:14 am
He fell asleep he woke up it was still light and then dark he felt someone pick him up and he got carried outside and put in a car. He couldn’t speak. He was scared he felt the car start moving.it wasn’t his mum or dads car. He felt the car stop he saw a really big house with guns and people everywhere he was really scared now.he got inside the house and it was the creepiest person in the worlds house.he was creepy because he only had one eye and metal fingers and then bang he got shot in the head.
February 15, 2017 at 7:16 am
Hi Zain. Let’s start by working on the first sentence:
– He fell asleep he woke up it was still light and then dark he felt someone pick him up and he got carried outside and put in a car. –
Who is ‘he’?
Read the sentence out loud and see what improvements you can pick up.
February 13, 2017 at 9:15 am
It was a dark cold night. It was raining. We were sitting in our apartment watching TV. My family and I were all on our long sofa watching our favourite gaming show. My brother Nathan started to talk about the lady buying a five dollar cleaning product, “What a rip off, it’s meant to be three dollars fifty!” Suddenly the lights went out. I jumped up “What happened!” There were soft footsteps I walked over to the light switch and flicked the switch. No power. “I’ll go down the basement and see what’s happening.”
There was a loud yell
My dad came upstairs holding the man across the apartment.
He turned out the lights!
The end
February 13, 2017 at 9:15 am
Suddenly the lights went out
It was 11:56 at night I was the only one awake everything was silent it felt like the whole world was dead. It just turned midnight and I started to hear a quiet tapping on the door. I heard a creeking noise coming in the house. I started to sweat in my bed my heart started to pound. I tried to build up my courage and then I saw my door shake and suddenly the lights went out. I built up my courage again and got up out of bed and opened my door. It was just our cat but how did he open the door?
February 15, 2017 at 7:21 am
Nice work Ethan. I like that you have created a feeling of suspense.
Read this out loud to yourself to see if you can pick up any improvements. Pay close attention to punctuation. For example, the sentence below could use some more punctuation:
It was 11:56 at night I was the only one awake everything was silent it felt like the whole world was dead.
February 13, 2017 at 9:15 am
I was lying down in on my bed when suddenly someone walked my bedroom.For a minute I thought it was nothing, but then just as I got out of bed to turn out my light when suddenly the lights went out. I didn’t know what was going on, I went to find my brother but I couldn’t because the lights were out and I couldn’t see a thing the lights started flickering on and off. Now things were getting interesting, I went on the floor to try and trail the floor while the lights were still off.
February 13, 2017 at 9:15 am
One sunny day at home we were playing the Xbox bob was player 1 and Jesse was player 2. We were playing NBA 2k17 Jesse was winning and as soon a the buzzer went the lights turned off.so we went to check the power box but there was nothing wrong with it. So we went back inside and there was someone walking around the house making this weird sound. So we looked around the house and we saw this big black monster and it tried to attack us it jumped on us and then we woke up. But it was all a dream.
February 14, 2017 at 9:06 am
It was really interesting and scary
February 13, 2017 at 9:18 am
As we arrived we could hear the crowd roaring. My little brother Noah was so excited. I looked at the tickets and we started to walk to our seats. We got to our seats and got comfortable as soon as we sat down the soccer players ran out onto the field. The crowd was cheering all of a sudden we herd gun shots being fired. The crowds cheering instantly went into screaming in fear. A man came onto the field he was holding a gun. He said everyone be quiet or I’ll…. All of a sudden the light went out
February 13, 2017 at 9:19 am
One stormy night a happy little family was playing and watching t.v when suddenly the lights went out and nobody could see but then an lady came and knock on the door and said “ hi could you please help me because i have lost my dog we were walking when the lights went out i lost my dog”. “ok” so all of the family went out and helped the lady. After they came back nobody found the dog so the lady said “we should go different ways because last time we all went the same way “ yah we should all be back here by 2.00pm.
THE END !!
February 13, 2017 at 9:19 am
Suddenly the lights went out. The entire city went pitch black. i switched my torch on and saw a shadow in the distance coming towards me. Once the shadow was only a few meters away i saw a car. It suddenly stopped. A figure stepped out of the car and charged towards me. I ran as fast as i could but he grabbed my arm and put his hand over my face and i past out. i woke up chained to a bomb. The bomb was ticking. I un chained myself and ran as fast as i could. The bom exploded. I was safe
February 13, 2017 at 1:26 pm
I really like your story lily. but you should explain how you unchained yourself. But you only had 110 words so that’s ok. Good job!
February 13, 2017 at 1:26 pm
Maby give a name to the main character.
February 13, 2017 at 9:19 am
it was a dark night the cat was sleeping on the floor and Fred was scared.
he sat in his chair next to the fire place with all the lights on because Fred was a scary cat.
he sat there for ages to scared to move he was thinking of going to bed when the lights went out.
Fred jumped up and ran to his room. he hid under his bed he saw some thing at the window
it was a vampire!
fred ran to his kitchen and grabbed some onion and when out side and trough the onion at …… the post man.
February 13, 2017 at 9:20 am
We finally arrived at our new house in Sydney. It was 8:00 in the morning, it was a really sunny day. My dad opened the boot and handed us our bags. I headed with my sister Ari to unpack. After unpacking my bags I went to have a look around the house. I saw a secret door in my room. I slowly opened it and slowly shut the door behind me. Their were spider webs everywhere, the lights were flickering and their was someone rocking in a chair with a knife. Suddenly the lights went out. Then I heard foot steps coming towards me I screamed until…
February 13, 2017 at 9:25 am
The night at the horror house
Once upon a time there lived a girl named Daniela. She was a beautiful little girl. One night she went with Daniel to a scary house in the middle of Australia their home county. And whoever went in that never came out. When that went in the door shut on them and they were locked in. All the windows were locked all they could do was sit there until someone came. There was no cell service and neither of them had credit. There was no food or water. Then Daniel died he had a knife in his head. Then Daniela cried until someone came but no one came.
February 13, 2017 at 1:25 pm
One Sunday night I was in my bed playing my IPad and settling down to go to sleep. I completed a level on Geometry dash and got ready to go to sleep, but Suddenly the lights went out. I went out to ask my Mum what happened but she didn’t know. We both went outside and everyone was looking outside after their power went out. The only thing that worked was the radio. The people on the radio said that the power would be back up in the morning and it went out because of the heat. When we woke up the power was back on and everything went back to normal. The End
February 13, 2017 at 3:03 pm
One day I was walking home from school when I fell down a hole and fell asleep. I woke up 10 minutes later i realized I fell down a sewage hole. I walked around for a bit looking for an exit when I saw two red eyes staring at me. I started running but it started running as well. Just at that second I saw an exit it was a ladder I climb it but at that final step it pulled me down and made my head hit the ground suddenly the lights went out……
February 13, 2017 at 7:19 pm
Good story I like how you ended it on then suddenly the lights went out but you need to punctuate it bit more.
February 13, 2017 at 4:38 pm
Draft 2
I was lying down on my bed when suddenly someone
walked past my bedroom. For a minute I thought it was nothing, but then just as I got out of bed to turn out my light, when suddenly the lights went out. I didn’t know what was going on, I went to find my brother but I couldn’t because the lights were out and I couldn’t see a thing. The lights started flickering on and off. Now things were getting interesting, I went on the floor to try and trail the edge of the floor while the lights were still off.
February 17, 2017 at 11:51 am
Suddenly the lights went out…. Briar flicked the switch off, then on. Still total darkness. She groaned. She’d have to tell her parents so there won’t be any trouble. Sighing, Briar took her phone out. She barely had any time to open up the phone app before the warning ‘0% battery left’ lit up the screen, which flickered and went black. Briar gritted her teeth. Now she’d have to catch the next bus to the mall. By her sense of touch she managed to locate her purse before discarding her phone and ear phones and climbing down the stairs of the apartment to the street.
February 28, 2017 at 4:24 am
“The noise was so loud” When the mall got robbed. The guns were blowing my ears off I wanted to put earphones on. So I went into K-mart and bought the 9.99$ earphones and went to help people who got hurt. So I went to the robbers last stop in the mall and asked is everybody ok and in the distance I heard behind you. And turned around and there he was the robber. so I tripped him and held him and I said “someone call the cops!” Then kiki said “can we go” sure have a good day.
Edublog.amdsb.ca/myblogcs
March 15, 2017 at 10:22 am
The night at the horror house
Once upon a time there lived a girl named Daniela. She was a beautiful little girl. One night she went with Daniel to a scary house in the middle of Australia their home county. And whoever went in that never came out. When that went in the door shut on them and they were locked in. All the windows were locked all they could do was sit there until someone came. There was no cell service and neither of them had credit. There was no food or water. They were stuck for 5 days until there best friend came looking for them she found them opens the door and Daniela said ‘don’t shut the door’. Then the door shut oh no said Daniel.